Most writers are fairly good at writing descriptions of places and characters. Their better than average vocabulary and love of word play usually result in interesting paragraphs that give the reader a good idea of what a location or the protagonist look like.
Unfortunately, most of those descriptions also tell rather than show.
Places
One way aspiring authors unintentionally introduce telling into their writing is through their descriptions of places, especially when establishing setting. Consider the following example:
He found the city ominous. There were many tall buildings, yet it was deadly quiet.
The example tells because it states facts – the city is ominous, it has tall buildings, and it is quiet. It also overrelies on adjectives – tall and deadly – to carry the description.
Rather than state facts, to show an author should use five senses to infer. Rather than letting the adjectives do the heavy lifting, instead offer revealing details.
Your viewpoint character should experience the world through his five senses. He then would capture revealing details that infer background information the reader needs to know. For example, if you need to describe the physical makeup of a world, give a tour of it through the viewpoint character’s five senses.
Thus, the description could be rewritten as:
The skyline rose like a bank of gray clouds on the horizon. Despite all of the buildings, nothing but silence met him – not a single car, not a single light, could be seen anywhere.
This description gives concrete details, sensed by the viewpoint character, that shows he finds the city menacing. This makes for a more engaging story.
Characters
For many writers, such showing runs contrary to what they were taught in school. All of us had to write descriptive paragraphs; most of today’s authors did a great job of writing them and received praise and encouragement from their teacher. What was great motivation then, however, is poor writing today.
Descriptions shouldn’t be written using a string of adjectives, whether it be places or characters. Yet, that’s what we’re taught in school.
For example, if you wrote Claire had beautiful hair and eyes, the teacher would say “Tell us what kind of eyes Claire has! Give concrete details!” So you’d write Claire had curly, blonde hair and bright blue eyes.
But that’s still telling because it states facts.
Instead, weave those details into the story’s dramatic action. For example, you might write:
I hated that to get ready for a date all Claire had to do was brush her curly blonde hair and apply just the lightest amount of liner, as her bright blue eyes were in no need of assistance.
This retains the concrete details but plants them into the story as part of a conflict between the narrator and Claire. The character description now becomes relevant because it actually is a key element of the story. If it’s not important to the story, the detail can be cut.
Show sounds
One other form of description where authors often slip into telling is when a sound occurs. For example, they might write There was a loud noise.
That also states a fact and rather vaguely at that. Instead, use concrete details to describe the sound while inferring it was loud. So, instead you might write A bang sounded from upstairs.
The reader now knows the noise was a bang and that it was loud because it occurred on another floor but still could be heard.
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My name is Rob Bignell. I’m an affordable, professional editor who runs Inventing Reality Editing Service, which meets the manuscript needs of writers both new and published. I also offer a variety of self-publishing services. During the past decade, I’ve helped more than 400 novelists and nonfiction authors obtain their publishing dreams at reasonable prices. I’m also the author of the Storytelling 101 writing guidebooks, four nonfiction hiking guidebook series, and the literary novel Windmill. Several of my short stories in the literary and science fiction genres also have been published.
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